I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
