I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
