tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
