You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
