I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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