it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Randomize