i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize