whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
