Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
