Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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