I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
