I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
