I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's blow job season.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
