Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
