If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
