i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize