I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
