wrigley field is MILF paradise
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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