I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
