I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
