You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
