You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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