I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
