how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
