I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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