she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
