If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
