somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I seem to have left my pride at pride
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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