Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
