Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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