Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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