I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
