The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
