Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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