Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
