Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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