i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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