when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
