ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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