Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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