Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
