Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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