She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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