I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
