i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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