I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
