One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
