I want to make a zoo with you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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