Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
