So drunk its hurt
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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