I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
