There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You took a bar mat shot.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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