I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
