The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
