i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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