I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
