the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
