1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
