I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
