If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
