my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize