I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
