And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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