my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
