Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
