Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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