Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Bring me that man meat
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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