I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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