I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
