I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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