I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
