this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
