Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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