you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
