update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
