i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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