I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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