Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
