You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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