That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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